we're still hereeee

we're still here! i almost forget this thing exists until sunday comes and steve has off and wants his 'man time' to spend with benny!! so while they're looking oh so precious snuggled on the couch i tiptop into the bathroom take a very deserved, longggggggg, hotttttttt shower and then hop into bed and pull this up to let my mind wander to anything that has gone on since my last post. so!! mamahood well, it has been nothing short of perfect. it's hard don't get me wrong.. i'd be lying if i said it wasn't. there's obviously a lot of changes.. some of them are quite the struggle ..but at the end of the day when all is said and done.. to hold, to snuggle, to kiss, to love this tiny little human being that will forgive you over and over if you have to pull him off one boob to switch to the other or you've lost his favorite binky or you have to wake him up to burp him before he really goes into a deep sleep or if you ate something that had a little too much garlic and it made his poop so explosive it crawled up his back!!!!!! pure, innocent, babylove all around. i never thought i'd cry so much btw!!!! holy hormones. mostly while i'm breast feeding.. sometimes it starts out bc i'm tired and things are not necessarily overwhelming but ..uhh, different.. and then it goes off to just being so happy and in love that i can't even explain the tornado of butterflies in my tummy that i get from the little fingers resting on my chest. i'm doing my best to embrace the changes.. the biggest one yet has been to have to re-think every thought to do just about anything.. including breathing!! it's not crazy if you think about it.. is that really heavy, long breath really worth waking the baby up that's laying on your belly? heck no!! i'll hold my breath until i'm blue in the face before i wake this little guy up. never wake a sleeping baby bc sleeping baby = time to pee, eat, shower, poop, blog, or the most rewarding: NAP. it's rough to be a young mom, sometimes you feel alone.. friends are always distant.. but it's normal and it's okay bc in time things will get easier, of course you have to change somethings you want & even things you need but once you grow and flourish everything will evolve for the better. i like to think of it as i'm one step ahead!!! not that the "circle of life" is a competition, at all. but i've always wanted this opportunity to be a young mom.. i KNOW that i have the energy and the will power to succeed and be the best that i can be for my son and that's only the start of a very rewarding future.